Being yourself and being part of

It's good to be home but when you start to ask yourself where exactly your home is things become tricky. I've come to a point where my international and intercultural experience has become a sign of instability - at least in the eyes of the potential employers. Though I don't feel that. Here everyone wants to "teach" you what is good and what is bad. At age of 23 you should have at least a stable job and wedding plans next year. I've talked about it before many times but somehow it still bothers me.

Yes, having a real job and nice career is good, having constant income is even better, knowing your plans in 5 years perspective - ok.
The paradox is that it even would be nice at least having an option to have it. But there is not. The wonderful economical situation here in Latvia is one reason.
But another thing I'd like to refer to is that kind of explorer sparkle that we have only when being in our 20ies and tying ourselves to one big plan can turn into a big deception.

I do feel very happy about being here, seeing everyone, I love the new field of my studies and even the feeling that I have to put away almost everything I studied in the undergraduate studies.
I've gained some lessons - literally and metaphorically.
But I still don't know what's next. And guess what...looks like I don't even want to know. Plans do not work always. That's reality. Even if all the signs say it's the right time, all the opportunities look at you and your inner Latvian says that careful planning and future predicting is the key to success.

Another thing I've finally formulated to myself. I cannot like everyone and I cannot be liked by everyone. A horrifying conclusion after all the time thinking that it's always possible to find common language :D
First thoughts came to me within my disastrous experience with AIESEC Mexico when my dream about ideal internship and my persistent trying to be there ended quite badly professionally, though personally even more than happily. That is another story that I prefer for personal conversations, and I do not blame anyone, just gained lessons for myself.
Some misunderstandings, a big language barrier, some insulted pride, some rumors put in the middle and in the end no one is talking to you to solve anything and you don't want to talk to anyone as nothing would change.
Or here, coming back home even if my plans didn't work - neverending questions about my future, my current way of life, my recklessness (!!), my relationships, etc. Sorry, if I prefer to be offline and to talk only to positive and my closest people which both sadly do not always fit in the same category.

We shouldn't care what others say, we should challenge the traditional frames that society tries to put on us, but Latvia is too small to choose to be an outsider.
It would be awesome to find the right formula on combining the inner thoughts, feelings, opinions and a way how to express them being a part of society, nation, world, etc.

Maybe there is no formula. Maybe my studies will help, those smart guys from my anthropological texts have been thinking about this since a long time. Maybe after some time it won't matter.
But now it does.