before leaving: survival techniques

yes, yes, I'm leaving again. this time no goodbye parties, I'll be back soon. still the feelings are always weird before closing the suitcases and going to airport. longed so much but still now wanting to meet and hug everyone before leaving.
so let's look at life here during the last 4 months.

never thought so many things could change after 5 months away. even after Erasmus adventure what totally moved my world upside down.
but here I am. almost finished the first semester of my dream studies which I never thought will be so hard, again heading South, again without certain plan. and no possible answers to questions about getting married. btw, it's impolite to ask that.

survived in the cold, between neverending train routes Jelgava-Riga-Jelgava, still amazed by people in the public transportation (my as well I guess), handled the judgments and for the first time felt awkward for my age - being the youngest in university and one of the oldest in youth organization.
so my two remedies:

- learn from Mexico. no matter how much Latvians are always swearing about mañana philosophy and getting stressed about things not done in the right order in the set deadlines, there is some wisdom in that. chill. don't stress about what you cannot change. don't torture yourself if it doesn't help to solve the problem. it doesn't mean people in Mexico do not have worries, even from the telenovelas you've seen that they do know how to make drama but in the next moment (day, week, whenever but soon) the issue is forgotten to give place to more important things - relations, family and friends, small life pleasures. it's not bad to think about yourself and love yourself.

even if the studies are total headaches, even if I've never read Rousseau, have no clue about Michel Foucault or never used words "discourse" instead of debates (current issues, way of talk), "narrative" or "arbitrary" literary translated into Latvian (naratīvs - stāstījums, arbitrārs - patvaļīgi pieņemts) which says as much as the same word in English transcription and "empirical epistemology" is still a weird way of saying "knowledge gained from experience"... there is always a way how to make things simple and get an inspiration even from very academic issues.
One of the coolest lectures I've had this semester was about (dis)enchantment of the modern world by Jane Bennett (here a quick glance into). some of the checklist questions to everyone:

Do you (privately) believe that we are better off than nonmodern peoples precisely because we approach the world with the confidence that "one can, in principle, master all things by calculation"?
But does this picture of the world as a "causal mechanism" also leave you wondering about the purpose of it all? In other words, has science stamped "imprint of meaningless" on your life and death?

Is it ok to run after some kind of imagined goals put on you by the society or better to have your own vision of what you want to reach and take it easy, enjoying the life?
Is it ok to pretend you are super-smart or actually do something for good with the knowledge you gain? I prefer the last option.

- find things that fulfill life and take up responsibility. AIESEC. "why you need to work for free?", "what's the point of your activities?", "do conferences mean sex, beer and girls?" questions again I answer very avoidably. no, conferences do not mean that, there is point and working for free can give much more than work from 9 am to 6 pm every working day. I enjoy being in top management of the organization that truly stands for changing the world for a better place. Look around - it's us, especially the young people, who will do the big things. Not mystical they that would come and solve everything for you. 110+ countries and territories come together with common goals - this is truly about peace and human kind potential fulfillment! Even if it's sounds a bit "sectarian'' :P
Where else you can actually see the good results and changes in lives? Where else you can make actual impact on global issues? And where else I will enjoy working after midnight? :)

to stop for a while, read some books and let life take you where you enjoy being the most.
hasta luego!

Being yourself and being part of

It's good to be home but when you start to ask yourself where exactly your home is things become tricky. I've come to a point where my international and intercultural experience has become a sign of instability - at least in the eyes of the potential employers. Though I don't feel that. Here everyone wants to "teach" you what is good and what is bad. At age of 23 you should have at least a stable job and wedding plans next year. I've talked about it before many times but somehow it still bothers me.

Yes, having a real job and nice career is good, having constant income is even better, knowing your plans in 5 years perspective - ok.
The paradox is that it even would be nice at least having an option to have it. But there is not. The wonderful economical situation here in Latvia is one reason.
But another thing I'd like to refer to is that kind of explorer sparkle that we have only when being in our 20ies and tying ourselves to one big plan can turn into a big deception.

I do feel very happy about being here, seeing everyone, I love the new field of my studies and even the feeling that I have to put away almost everything I studied in the undergraduate studies.
I've gained some lessons - literally and metaphorically.
But I still don't know what's next. And guess what...looks like I don't even want to know. Plans do not work always. That's reality. Even if all the signs say it's the right time, all the opportunities look at you and your inner Latvian says that careful planning and future predicting is the key to success.

Another thing I've finally formulated to myself. I cannot like everyone and I cannot be liked by everyone. A horrifying conclusion after all the time thinking that it's always possible to find common language :D
First thoughts came to me within my disastrous experience with AIESEC Mexico when my dream about ideal internship and my persistent trying to be there ended quite badly professionally, though personally even more than happily. That is another story that I prefer for personal conversations, and I do not blame anyone, just gained lessons for myself.
Some misunderstandings, a big language barrier, some insulted pride, some rumors put in the middle and in the end no one is talking to you to solve anything and you don't want to talk to anyone as nothing would change.
Or here, coming back home even if my plans didn't work - neverending questions about my future, my current way of life, my recklessness (!!), my relationships, etc. Sorry, if I prefer to be offline and to talk only to positive and my closest people which both sadly do not always fit in the same category.

We shouldn't care what others say, we should challenge the traditional frames that society tries to put on us, but Latvia is too small to choose to be an outsider.
It would be awesome to find the right formula on combining the inner thoughts, feelings, opinions and a way how to express them being a part of society, nation, world, etc.

Maybe there is no formula. Maybe my studies will help, those smart guys from my anthropological texts have been thinking about this since a long time. Maybe after some time it won't matter.
But now it does.