Perhaps it's just whining or so but quite often you catch yourself thinking - "I want to go home!" Where it's safe, known, calm and mostly you can do whatever you want and be yourself. Because it's your home, sweet home, your palace or whatever the people's wisdom say about it.
But the question is - where is the home? What makes it home? Can you have more than one home? How do you determine which home would you want to be now in this moment?
I've always been between at least two places which I could attribute a term "home". My mom's family is from another part of Latvia, and though it's a small country, it does take several hours by train, bus or private car to get there to another world. My grandma used to ask me when I was little: "So where do you like to be more - in the city or here in the countryside?" Each summer and most of the holidays we were heading from our city apartment to a countryside farm with a huge territory, animals and nature to embrace. And I always answered to my grandma: "During the winter in city, in summer here in the countryside." Both were my places with my own people in both of them.
And that's how I've been continuing for the most of my life - to be at in at least two different places - in my Bachelor studies, Erasmus time, work, and now moving from Latvia to Mexico, and even making it all harder - choosing my Master thesis fieldwork place outside of my "normal" lifestyle environment from Mexico's second biggest city (at least 3 times bigger than whole Latvia) to a small ex-fishermen village where people still have their ancient customs, they know the names of the trees and life is as it's practically anywhere in the world in a village - be nice to me, and I will be nice to you, don't be rude - because I know where you live, and the rumors fly in the speed of light.
It does not mean that I'm adapting fast to new environments or being able to feel and make myself like at home at any place of the world. Not at all. Actually I could make another post how hard it was to speak another language (though you know all grammar and can perfectly understand what everyone is saying), how weird it was (ok, and still is) to kiss everyone for hello and goodbye instead of just recognizing that they are noticed of being here, or to understand that here in Mexico being bright, noticeable, loud is lots higher virtue than being humble, calm and workaholic that has been always taught in Latvia. Or on the other hand here in the Catholic Guadalajara to make it very simple - that your bright red toe nails won't be a sign of good style during the first meeting with your to-be-husband's family.
But it does mean - there can be more than one home, sweet home. And for me personally it's getting harder and harder to distinguish which one to miss at some times. I love my family and my friends which are in Latvia and elsewhere outside of Mexico where I live currently. I guess it will cost a lifetime to acquire so close people as I have there. But I do love my to-be-husband and I'm more than 100% sure that this is the right choice to be here, to become part of his family and to look for other opportunities I naively planned for myself 5 years ago. I love being in a warm weather and hear birds singing in the interview transcripts for my thesis, it's hard to imagine wearing sweaters, hats and gloves, and having radiators instead of ACs, or handling -30 degrees (Celsius). Or to put it very simple - to see sad and depressed faces in the train Jelgava-Riga and back.
But sometimes I do miss some things, and all my places are still my homes though it still sounds grammatically incorrect for my non-Native speaker English language.
But the question is - where is the home? What makes it home? Can you have more than one home? How do you determine which home would you want to be now in this moment?
I've always been between at least two places which I could attribute a term "home". My mom's family is from another part of Latvia, and though it's a small country, it does take several hours by train, bus or private car to get there to another world. My grandma used to ask me when I was little: "So where do you like to be more - in the city or here in the countryside?" Each summer and most of the holidays we were heading from our city apartment to a countryside farm with a huge territory, animals and nature to embrace. And I always answered to my grandma: "During the winter in city, in summer here in the countryside." Both were my places with my own people in both of them.
And that's how I've been continuing for the most of my life - to be at in at least two different places - in my Bachelor studies, Erasmus time, work, and now moving from Latvia to Mexico, and even making it all harder - choosing my Master thesis fieldwork place outside of my "normal" lifestyle environment from Mexico's second biggest city (at least 3 times bigger than whole Latvia) to a small ex-fishermen village where people still have their ancient customs, they know the names of the trees and life is as it's practically anywhere in the world in a village - be nice to me, and I will be nice to you, don't be rude - because I know where you live, and the rumors fly in the speed of light.
It does not mean that I'm adapting fast to new environments or being able to feel and make myself like at home at any place of the world. Not at all. Actually I could make another post how hard it was to speak another language (though you know all grammar and can perfectly understand what everyone is saying), how weird it was (ok, and still is) to kiss everyone for hello and goodbye instead of just recognizing that they are noticed of being here, or to understand that here in Mexico being bright, noticeable, loud is lots higher virtue than being humble, calm and workaholic that has been always taught in Latvia. Or on the other hand here in the Catholic Guadalajara to make it very simple - that your bright red toe nails won't be a sign of good style during the first meeting with your to-be-husband's family.
But it does mean - there can be more than one home, sweet home. And for me personally it's getting harder and harder to distinguish which one to miss at some times. I love my family and my friends which are in Latvia and elsewhere outside of Mexico where I live currently. I guess it will cost a lifetime to acquire so close people as I have there. But I do love my to-be-husband and I'm more than 100% sure that this is the right choice to be here, to become part of his family and to look for other opportunities I naively planned for myself 5 years ago. I love being in a warm weather and hear birds singing in the interview transcripts for my thesis, it's hard to imagine wearing sweaters, hats and gloves, and having radiators instead of ACs, or handling -30 degrees (Celsius). Or to put it very simple - to see sad and depressed faces in the train Jelgava-Riga and back.
But sometimes I do miss some things, and all my places are still my homes though it still sounds grammatically incorrect for my non-Native speaker English language.
I so do know, what you mean by writing this! It's a unfinished business forever. I think, you (and me too) will always ask yourself this. And you always will know the answer :) (hug)
ReplyDeleteIr tāds teiciens "Homes is where the heart is", un Tava sirsniņa acīmredzami ir vairākās vietās vienlaicīgi. Protams, daļa no Tevis vienmēr būs Latvijā, jo esi latviete un nekas to nemainīs, lai cik ilgi Tu dzīvotu Meksikā un lai kāda būtu Tava pilsonība vai uzvārds... Bet man šķiet, ka dzimtenē Tava dzīve un ikdiena nekad nebūtu bijusi tik unikāla un aizraujoša, kāda tā ir tagad:) Ceru, ka izbaudi visu par 100%. Un, kad vien Tev ir skumji un gribas Latvijas laukus, dzirdēt savu valodu visapkārt un samīļot savējos, vienkārši brauc šurp!
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